What does it mean to have a body? What is it? Why do we pay attention to it only when something is wrong with it when it is unhealthy when it ceases to function properly?
I had a psychosomatic disorder. That is why I am so interested in my own body, how is it related to my brain, how it works.
The body for me is the inner universe, the unknown, the unknowable, the secret, as outer space. My idea of the body is different in contrast to what the medicine offers me. On X-ray, CT, and MRI images are not me, not my body, but something strange. On the pages of medical history are words in inhuman language that I do not understand.
What is the difference between the experience of having a "living" body from an anatomical one? The feeling of being related to one's own flesh is anxious. I want to negotiate with my body, accept its vulnerability and fragility.
I am driven by confusion and I want to cope with this confusion. On top of that, I am interested and curious: what is hidden inside us? Sometimes I am driven by anger and despair. I am vulnerable. What if my body won't stop bothering me, won't stop talking to me, and I won't understand what it wants to tell me?